Two Uh Oh Nine

The year 2009 has been kind of a tumultuous one for me. I experienced the highest highs but also have been thrown some hard punches that knocked me out to the lowest lows. The first part of the year started not so brightly when I had to endure a 3-day forced leave for some unfortunate incident which happened in the office while I was on my one-day leave for a cousin's wedding last November of 2008 (my first and only vacation leave that I filed after a year of work). But given the breadth of my responsibility, I had to take the brunt for the unfortunate incident despite the fact that I was not physically in the office and someone else was supposed to be in charge. Maybe it was a foreboding of the events that were to unfold towards the last quarter of the year. I took that incident all in stride and was confident that I had support from where I needed it most and completely forgot about it and focused on better and brighter things ahead.

Things indeed became bright, targets and goals were achieved, and new milestones reached. Alongside these, friendships flourished and strong bonds were formed. I have met the best people who have influenced me a great deal but I also met the fiercest detractors and the worst people I have known in my entire life. But I guess that is jumping the gun.

I did not have any posts last year but I have written quite a number the last 3 months of 2009 that I have yet to publish. They are all nicely hidden in my journal and I am still contemplating on what and when will they finally get published. My hesitation stems from the fact that they were written when I was not at my best and usual self. I fear that some people may perceive them as ranting and whining but I guess that is what they really are. But really, who cares what other people will think. They are my feelings, my rants, and my thoughts. Julie Powell in her Julia/Julie book was perfectly right when she wrote "one thing about blogging is that it gives you a blank check for whining."

I am no expert in writing and do not possess the flair or style of experienced bloggers. I cannot pen poems or interesting short stories. I never entertained thoughts of writing or winning a Nobel Prize for writing either. But ever since I was a kid I have always had what I would call a love affair with words. The power of words and beautiful language has always and still fascinates me. I devoured any reading material that caught my fancy. I would have read a lot more if the prices of books were affordable, and it is sad that I live nowhere near a library. I can stay in a bookstore for hours in a window-reading spree. Reading in a quiet comfort of a couch on a rainy night is a bliss for me. I guess the romance of the written language stirs me and I longingly admire those gifted people who can string up words into lovely sentences and intricately weave them into a story. The closest I got to writing was chronicling my life in those silly diaries when I was a teen, of which I lost interest in since there were no earth-shattering events happening to me then that was worth writing about. Nowadays, I just write about what I feel, and how I feel at the moment. My mind is in overdrive - interesting thoughts and feelings keep popping and I needed to write them down and sort them out. When a good friend was asking me what I was busy with these days, I replied, "writing about nonsensical things that make sense to me." Somehow writing has become a release, some kind of ritual to exorcise my demons. And I am hoping someday, somehow the ranting and whining will metamorphose into something I can be proud of. But for now let me rant away as I publish my first post for 2010.